You Are Still My Wife!

Chapter 18: The Confused Mind

Idri First Person

Simon would not talk to me about anything but business. He always stays angry and irritated. He is a brother to me and I expect him to be next to me during this confused period of mine. I decided to meet Dori over lunch from time to time. I just wanted to talk more just to clear my head. I was feeling guilty for making her wait and I did not even declare that the breakup was official. This is the biggest misunderstanding ever in my life. I am sure I have feelings for Frieze and not Dori but at the same time, I am aware that I owe Dori too much. I am just trying to compensate and reimburse the time maybe. To top it all, she seems to be a changed person. She turned into a polite, kind and simple person just like Frieze. Maybe I got attracted to Frieze because of these ‘my type’ qualities.

Did I say attraction?

Well yeah!

At Simon’s wedding party, I was mad attracted to her. I wanted to get closer to her and know more about her. It was love at first sight. She indeed helped me forget Dori and made me realize how wrong I was to date Dori. I tried to win Frieze’s heart for two long years while Dori tried to win my heart while she was in a relationship with me.

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What goes around, come around ehhh?

Now, I could feel the mindful state of Dori. How I ran after Frieze is the same way Dori ran after me. I should had appreciated years back just the way Frieze did. I don’t love Dori but it is not that I have forgotten the fact that she was always around me just to spend time with me. All I did was ignore her and set myself always busy with my work. I hurt her so much and I did not even try to look for her when

she said it was over. I should had talk things through and even break up mutually at least through a thorough discussion. But, like a loyal woman, she still waited for me to look for her and turn up.

What did I do instead? Started spending time with Frieze trying to win her heart. I fooled Frieze and I fooled myself too. I was attracted to her as I never saw someone this pretty. I think I got mesmerized by her beauty and so I wanted her. Also, Frieze is really sassy and smart. She is intelligent and understand me before even I complete speaking all my feelings out. Maybe I thought the best friend relation we had could turn into a love relationship. These thoughts grew stronger that I used Frieze just like a replacement and I was old enough to get married. I wanted to marry a good girl and she was the only one I could find. Dori molded herself all this time waiting for me and here I am settled with another woman while I kept her waiting. I feel guilt and sorry for Dori.

Frieze will surely be heartbroken when I will tell her about my thoughts on our marriage. Will she agree to a divorce? How will she react to it? I am ready to give her whatever she likes. I can even give her fifty percent of my company share if she would like it that way. It is just six and a half months of marital relationship. It should not affect her much. We did not even complete a year as a married couple and I am sure the quicker we depart, easier for her to forget me. I will not expect her to forgive me but I am sure she is strong enough to move on. She will also realize soon that being best friends, we loved each other a lot and we mistook it for love. She was always there for me even during business related stress. We used to talk a lot and have been talking since we became close friends. She used to also come to Kay city to meet me and vice versa. All she did was as a best friend. We needed each other by our sides. The need eventually became love? I am going back to ground zero now. If I am still thinking of my ex-girlfriend while I analyze my relationship with my wife, I am sure what I had for Frieze was an infatuation and not love. I ruined her life. I ruined Dori’s life. I am bad with relationships and I don’t deserve to be in one.

I will free Frieze and I am hopeful she will find the right man for her. She has the heart of an angel and any man would give her his world to her. My duty is to compensate for Dori and I cannot be with Frieze

anymore.

Now, I have decided. I will talk to Dori about it. She has changed a lot and she has become humble over these years. I think a broken heart mends everything. I will give her the best days. Once the divorce proceedings are clear, I will marry Dori. For Frieze, I will give her a good alimony that she could enjoy being at home for the rest of her life. Regarding her broken heart, I am sure she will meet someone in her life soon who will mend her heart as time passes. Time heals everything.

A month has passed. I was firm about my decision to divorce my wife finally and be with Dori again. She accepted my proposal of waiting for me until I was in love with her. I cannot get married to someone I don’t love. I loved Frieze but now I feel it was just an attraction and what I regret is not dating her for at least two years just to make sure my feelings for her were that of love. I was quick to marry her right after five months as lovers. Right after office, I walked directly to my parents’ room to tell them about my decision. They were retiring to sleep but of course disturbed by me as I always did. I am aware that they would not be happy with my decision that I made but I thought about it for one full month. I knew there would be a storm and I deserved it.