Victoria The Billionaires Maid

Ally’s [POV]

I snagged my keys on the way out the door. My phone was in my back pocket, but it was off. I wasn’t stupid about going out without it, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. All the voices were too confusing.

Sage and her effervescent positivity.

Seth and his seductive laugh rolled in innuendo and faint promises.

Laurie and her wide smiles and happiness.

All of it was too much. I didn’t know which to trust, especially when my voice was so very silent. Tucked in like a turtle in front of a predator. The problem was, I didn’t know where to turn, so the shell seemed prudent. Only my shell was Seth’s house-again.

This one is not often used. One of the half dozen properties his family owned on the cove. Whispers always called it the Mistress House after one of the Hamilton men who kept his affairs away from the main house. Now it mostly lay empty and one of the places I could be alone in this town. Everyone in and out of each other’s business was generally a comfort to me, but right now every person I ran into wanted to know when Seth and I were going to get married and make babies.

How that little tidbit got around, I had no clue. But I figured a certain blond might have something to do with it. The diner was the center of the town in more ways than one. And teasing Seth about his manly bits in front of a dozen patrons certainly didn’t help my cause. No one could have a fling in this town.

Even if the mere idea of fling and Seth in the same sentence made my chest tighten.

He’d never been that for me, even when I wanted him to be. When the idea of making a kid with him took hold, there’d been little hope for my heart to truly stay mine. It had always been his, but only I’d known it. That had been somehow easier than this.

All my dreams and happiness were wrapped up in his little girl and the man himself. I wasn’t sure I could face all of that again. Loving him could be the one thing that would break me in the end.

I hiked up the grassy hill into the trees and the path that rounded Crescent Cove. The house was beautiful, but not as pristine as the other Hamilton holdings. But that didn’t much matter when it came to the view. The lake, the town, and the little gazebo looked picturesque from here. The sun glittered off the lake. No mirror sheen here. No, our cove was choppy and a bit wild. It suited me right to the ground.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

The idea of moving out of Crescent Cove killed me. Because if things didn’t work out between us, I’d have to leave. I couldn’t face seeing him in town no matter what happened. My hand slid over my flat belly. Especially if a child was growing inside me. Would he get what he wanted and be done with me? Or just keep me around in a mother’s capacity?

Would I be forever on the outside looking in?

I honestly wasn’t sure how I was going to do that. Even though I wanted a family so very much, I wasn’t sure I could take half-measures now.

I’d hiked these hills for days and still couldn’t find an answer. I looked away from the town and the water and caught sight of the little abandoned church on the far side of the cove. The only thing there now was the cemetery. The town had taken the church in the center square as their own since I’d been a kid, but the cemetery had always been up away from the water.

I hadn’t been there since we’d buried my mom that one sunny day. I’d been at peace about her leaving me. Mostly because the woman I’d loved had left long before. Even at the end when her body had turned on her so completely, she’d had a sweet smile until the very end.

She just hadn’t been my mom.

I ducked through the trees and up the less-used path to the little church. There was an old dirt road that the processionals used, but I didn’t want to drive up. The stretch of muscles and the sun helped nausea that had been living inside me for the last week. Another thing I just wasn’t quite ready to face.

As evidenced by the plastic bag tucked away in my knapsack at the Hamilton camp. The one burning a hole in the worn canvas.

I’d traveled over two towns to buy it. In a nearby city where no one knew who I was. I’d wrapped the box in two bags and shoved it deep down. Fitting since all I ever did was shove things down so I didn’t have to look at them.

It was getting tiresome.

I lifted my face to the sun and uncapped the water bottle at my hip. Even if I didn’t want an answer just quite yet, I wasn’t stupid. A few hours in the summer sun could put me down like a puppy. So I guzzled down half the bottle and stuck it back in its little holster. I kept hiking, taking a shortcut across the trail and up instead of around the lazy walking trail.

Right then it felt more important to get to the little hill under the Japanese maple at the far side of the cemetery. The headstones came into view and my chest ached. I ran my fingertips over the old stones at the front. The mausoleum to the left with Hamilton engraved across the top told the history of our town better than any story in the library.

Huge. Moneyed. Overwhelming.

I turned away from the testament to privilege and status toward the edges of the cemetery where the plots were smaller, but no less taken care of. To the ivory angel standing guard over my mom’s grave. She was small and fairy-like beside the simple marker with her name and the dates. I brushed away the leaves and tugged out a few weeds before dropping cross-legged in front of her headstone.

“Hi, Mom.”

I didn’t even know what I wanted to say, but it felt good to say hello. I cleared my throat. “I hope you can hear me. Even if you can’t, I’ll just pretend. I’m good at that.” I dashed away a tear I hadn’t realized was rolling down my cheek. “So, I did a thing. I swore I wouldn’t, but I did it anyway.”

“I didn’t mean to. Honestly. I look back now and wonder how I lasted as long as I did. That’s probably one more lie I’ve told myself.” I laughed before leaning forward to brush away dust on the base of her headstone. “I love him, Ma. So much that it scares the crap out of me. Like my chest feels overfull with it. And his little girl? God. She’s the sweetest thing. She’s gotten so big since you’ve seen her.”

I dashed away another tear. “I think you’d remember her. Seth used to bring her to see you, but I know the stuff they gave you had you really out of it.”

But I remembered the smiles. Whenever Laurie came over, there was always a smile on my mom’s face. Of course, that little girl brought the sunshine with her everywhere.

My little girl.

She was mine for all intents and purposes.

Just like Seth.

I bowed my head as the tears kept flowing. They didn’t hurt though. It finally felt freeing. “I miss you so much. Sage is good to talk to for most of this mess I’m in, but I miss crawling up next to you on the couch and letting you play with my hair while you told me everything was going to work out. Because I’m so afraid it won’t. I’m not sure I could bear it if he doesn’t feel the same.”

But it felt like an empty fear. There was so much in my head. The touches, the laughter, the little moments with Laurie.

And then me running.

Always running away when things got too big, felt like too much.

Instead of staying to see how things went, I escaped before the answers could hurt me.

I tipped my head back to the sun and the breeze lifted my hair to whip my ponytail around. I laughed and brushed back the tears. “Okay, I got it.”

If I didn’t stick around, I wouldn’t have to face reality.

The reality of asking for more. For deserving more. I brushed my hand over my middle. For hoping for more.

“I think I’m finally creating a family of my own, Mom.” I huffed out a laugh when the breeze whirled around me and leaves danced. “I know I am.” I pressed my palm to the cool marble stone. “I know you always loved him. And you probably knew I did this whole time, too.”