The Soldier Next Door

Last night was long and torturous.

The end of my life kept playing over in my mind in agonizing circles, and no matter which way I looked at it, they all came to the same conclusion…it is over. What was Ethan Hunter has now met a certain fate. The man behind the Marine, the father, the husband…he has come in from the long haul and his life will from here on not exist.

So as I find myself standing in the kitchen, which would be the last time that I see these four walls, I wish that just for once I had a little more sense in this thick head. In that room lays the love of my life with my unborn child and I am losing it all for the way I acted, I believed that it was the only way to protect my family.

Well…I was wrong.

And with that thought I drop two sugars in her tea and make my way back to the room.Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

“Morning, boo.”

“Hey, soldier,” she reaches out and gently take my hand, “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Was it that obvious?”

She squeezes softly into my palm as she chuckles, “You kicked more than the baby did.”

“Sorry, boo. I…” and it is hard to keep the tears away as I swallow hard at the back of my throat. “I am scared. I don’t think there was ever, not even when I lost my leg, that I have been this scared.”

“Everything is going to be fine soldier. Just believe it.”

“Well,” I lay my hand gently on her belly and whisper, “You are going to have to be strong for all of us then.”

With that she pulls me into her arms, and lock them around my shoulders. In near than an instant my worries, however brief, just seems to fade away as her embrace enfolds me with warmth and love. It there is there little things that my wife does the best, then it is smiles, hugs and kisses. They only but give me pleasure, warmth and add to those good memories that I wish I learned to treasure more now than ever.

And now is what seems to come far too soon as I look up at the clock, “It is time, I must start getting ready.”

“Just one more minute soldier, just lay one more minute with me.”

With that, my warm arm surrounds her as I lay next to her on the bed. She places her head on my chest and hold onto me tightly. Gently placing a kiss on the top of her head, I draw her even closer to my body. She nuzzles her head into my neck and wraps her legs around my own.

And for what seems like what can be the last time forever, I hold onto her, never wanting to let go. I wish that there are somethings that I knew now that I never really take the time to know before.

They say that with every door that gets slammed in your face, that a window is opened. Well when that door was slammed in my face the minute I saw who I believed was Mark, I should have realised that the window, Ana is still there. I should have stayed and looked through that window and stayed.

Which brings me to the fact that I could have walked away. I should have remembered the only most other important thing, to keep on following your dreams and pursue the life it is that you know that you deserve.

But what else you need to take stock of is that your happiness is your responsibility. What have I created for Ana and me? There has never been so much tension between the warm walls of our home. The biggest lesson they teach you is that you cannot control what others say or do, but you can what you do.

What I could have done was reminded myself that I am enough just the way I am for my wife. I should have reminded myself that regardless which one of the Jenkins brothers it was, that it did not matter. She loves me, this messes up man, she loves him just the way that he is.

And ya…

As it gets time for me to get into the shower, I can honestly say that I wished that I lived more for NOW and not just for ‘one day.’ I should have enjoyed the journey more, for there really never is an destination, it is all about the ride.

I fucking wish that I had more common sense…

But sitting and wallowing in the shoulda woulda coulda’s is not going to get me through this court appearance.

So as I slide away from the warmth of Ana’s body, there is a knock at the door.

“Boo, I think that is Ray. Please will you get it while I have a shower quick?”

“Soldier,” she pauses for a brief moment, “I am coming with you.”

“But, boo, I do not want to upset you and the baby.”

“So, then they take you away and I don’t see you again for days?” Her voice slightly raises as she rises from the bed. “I will get the door but I am coming with.”

Ya, and that is where I know that I should not argue…but…

The thing is that I perhaps did not tell her everything that happened, so yes, I am going to be in more fucking trouble than I already am.

But that shall be something that will have to wait, for we are now starting to run officially late. So I quickly step into the shower for a brief few minutes, letting the warmth and isolation take hold of my body that is now slightly starting to tremble in anticipation of what is next to come. But it is when I give myself a once-off over while I have to dress up in uniform, that is when the tears overwhelm me and I nearly completely crash to the floor.

Taking my composure again, I find Ray and Ana waiting for me in the lounge, and much to my goddamn hurting heart, Gibbs has also decided to come. Now I am already trying to not breakdown, but the man comes closer and gives me a big old man hug, “You are going to be okay.”

I only but smile, “Hey, at least I have a going away party.”

Well, Ana does not find that rather as amusing as I do not wish it to sound, and she but only storms out the lounge and next, she slams the door of the room so damn hard that the windows vibrate. Ray only but shakes his head, “You know that normally takes an hour to get her out there and we don’t have time.”

With that he walks past me to the bedroom, and I don’t know what the fuck he whispers through that door, but she is out there in less than five minutes.

And with that we leave…

As I close the front door behind me, I give a look over to what should be my life, knowing to where I am headed. But you make your own bed, now you fucking lay in it.

But nobody mentions a single thing about what is ahead as we take the drive to the courthouse. I can see the tension on everybody’s face and I can feel the angst and pain that lay thick in the air. In this car I have probably the three most important people to me, apart from Matty and my parents. Every single one of them will lose a big part of their lives when I leave today.

But I don’t fucking want to leave…I don’t want to leave anybody behind.

I have not even spoken that Matty or my parents since any of this has happened.

But that is about to change…

As we pull into the parking lot at the courthouse, I can see Matty standing outside. I only but look at Ana and she nods her head. Well, between this all, being messed up in my own head, I never thought of phoning him. Ya, it sounds horrible…but I am suck a fucking ball of shit that is all over the place.

So the minute as I step out the car, Matty comes rushing over to me, “You just have to steal all the thunder around here.” Then he pulls me into a hug and whispers, “It will be okay.”

“Fuck, Matty, I just hope. I really messed up this time.” Then I pause for a brief moment, “Have you spoken to mom and dad?”

“No,” he hooks his arm into mine as we start heading up the stairs with Ana and the rest walking behind. “We will tell them if there is something to tell.”

As we then step inside, the lawyer that Ray arranged the day before, comes up to me with nothing but a goddamn smile. How can the man smile at a time like this? I am falling apart. But ya, he only but takes my hand as I reach mine out, “Is this the recording?”