The Soldier Next Door

Sometimes you should go on your gut instinct; that little voice that tells you to tells you what your heart says.

I have come to learn that if I have done something that does not feel right, then it ended up not being right.

What else I have learned is not to trust another man around your wife, well, least of all one that she was married to.

Now there are two big mistakes that I have made in the past day…

One…I nearly killed a man.

Two…I trusted my wife to come near this man.

So as he is lying here, I would love to punch him, but I know around the corner I have a very eager Ray and Ana that is waiting to hear what he has got to say. And secondly…I really don’t want to go down for assault as well.

It is one thing making a mistake, yet another thing to keep making it.

Now, Brendan is nearly boiling over from his own anticipation as he cannot get the words out of his mouth, so to put myself and everyone else out of our misery, I bite, “Okay, what is it that you want, and I will say this again, if it is my wife, then I am fucking punching you.”

He only but chuckles as he grabs at his chest, which I am hoping hurts like a bitch; then, after nearly couching up his own shit, he looks at me with a very confident smile, “I want you to get me into the Corps.”

Well, I was not expecting this one, so there does beg a question, “What are you doing on Pendleton if you are not in the Corps?”‘

“Staying in Mark’s old place.”

“Ah, I would have thought the Jenkins brothers are a bunch sneaky bastards just as much as they are assholes. Now why don’t you just fucking join yourself?”

Ya, and there should always be a catch behind the truth of a dishonest man. And this one, well, his catch is fucking epic. And I so want to see Ray’s face as the words spill out of Brendan’s mouth.

“You see, I cant. Like they would say…I am unfit.”

“Oh, please do tell; I would love to know what makes a superior man like you unfit?”

And ya, again.

Perhaps there are just certain things you do not ask, or should I say certain reactions that you do not have.

Yet, even though I have a totally non-fazed look on my face, Brendan continues, “I might perhaps have a mental condition.”

Well, fuck me. I cannot stop hosing myself as the classic look on his face fill every inch of my vision. Did the man just say mental condition, “Well, I would have never guessed that? Does it perhaps run in your family?”

He only but snaps me off as his face takes a more serious stance now, “Do I need to remind you who is holding your future in his hands.”

“Well, there, I thought that we were not going to come to the threatening, but I am sure you will see it as bribery.”

“I merely see it as a business deal. You give me what I want, and I will make sure that you get what you want.”

I only but cock my head at him with a slight bit of confusion, “What do you mean what I want? Have you become a mind reader on top of a nut job as well?”

“You want a future with that little wife of yours, and the way I see it, I am the only one that can give it to you.”

So here is where I ask myself that question.

Do I want to be that type of man?

Am I going to give up my morals in order for a delusional man to give me something? But most importantly, am I going to allow a man in the Corps if he is not fit to be there?

The sad fact is that this should be a choice that is easily made, but I have that little something inside of me that one calls dignity. How can I look myself in the mirror every day knowing what possible decision I have made? Can I put the lives of fellow Marines and our Country in the hands of a man like Brendan?

Yes, someone should have told me that sometimes I will not know what to do. But those someone’s doesn’t always have all the answers.

Life is a messed-up shit.

And there should be that instinct now that tells me to listen to my heart. I have a wealth of wisdom available that will point me in the right direction. So if something does not feel right, there will be a reason. You learn to trust yourself. So you need to know what the right direction it is to take, and if you don’t, you need to explore it.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

But the reality here is that I do not have the time to explore and think about this. Tomorrow I need to report back where my future will be decided by the law. Or I can play it safe and let a delusional mind of a man like Brendan decide for me.

So very eagerly and waiting, he taps his fingers on the bed, “So, Hunter, what is it going to be?”

“Well, tell me this.” I pause for a brief second, not even believing that I am starting to consider this. “Have you been declared as mentally ill?”

“I was in Hospital for a length of time. So I guess you can call that as declared.”

“You guess? Well, I am guessing that your guess is pretty fucking accurate.” Taking one deep breath, I even continue to fuel his hope. “Do you have any idea what will happen to both of us if they will ever find out? I might as well walk to my death tomorrow.”

“Well, do you think I will be telling?”

“Ya, that begs me to ask this question. Are you violent?”

He remains quiet for several moments, and after about a fair amount of silence, “I thought so. And let me add to that note, if Ana has to tell me that you fucking hurt her, then you are going to wish that I killed you the first time.”

Well, I ignore his second silence and take a deep breath.

This does make me wonder if I should just not take what happens to me tomorrow and sit with the resolve that I might never see my child being born, let alone spend a future with my wife.

Do I really want to betray the Marine Corps?

Honor. Courage. Commitment.

I will fail every single value that the Marines stand for.

Yes, at every turn in life, you might find yourself doing things that are not aligned with your mission. And if you find yourself going in the wrong direction, quickly correct it.

But there is not correcting this decision once it has been made.

I feel that, and every part of my gut instinct tells me that…I walked into a trap the minute I set my feet through that door. And yes, here I am, having been forced to make a turn in the wrong direction.

So yet, “Brendan, you do know that they will spot your lie a mile away. I might be able to get you in there…” I immediately swallow on my words…

Did I just fucking say that?

Yet, again, “You know that if I get you in there, it is on your own to keep your shit together. I cannot help you out of trouble when you find yourself into it. If I do this…this is a once-off deal.”

I never thought that I would come to a situation, to a time like this where I would go against everything. The things that my father taught me, the things I learned from men like Ray and Gibbs. Will I not be disappointing them as well?

Well, the thing is, I have been presented with a situation that I have not choice but to react to. I can not ask for the help of my dad, nor can I, even though he knows of it, know, but I cannot expect Ray to make this decision for me. And I know he will not approve of this whichever way this one is going to play on out.

I feel like a fucking less of a half-a-man that I have put myself in this situation. I have failed. And from here on, I will just keep on failing all over and over again.

And it is with this that I have to realize that the clock is now ticking to my own demise. I either wake up tomorrow morning and become a Marine that has dishonored himself and his fellow Marines. Or even worse, I become a Marine that betrays his fellow Marines and his Country.

Which one do I want to be?

I am terrified of what is going to happen to Ana, our baby, and my future. I was supposed to have had a good life. I was supposed to have one crazy journey as the ultimate Marine.

Where am I now?

Yet, I have been one thing that counts in my favor; I have determination. And determination is going to take some creativity. Creativity is one of your greatest tools; it can help you move past any obstacle.

So as dear old Brendan sit there and he awaits what I shall say next. I ask for one last thing, the last thing that I need before I throw my life away. But before I even go there, he asks with more impatience in his voice than before.

“So, Hunter, do we have a deal?”