Chapter 1
LYSSA
“Oh my gosh, can you believe that? How cringe, right?”
“Right? What was that? ‘Like wolves, we are pack animals, and it is our differences in strengths that make us better together.’”
“Honestly, I think he just wanted to hear his own voice. Since when does a walk-through graduation mean your principal is practicing his furry fantasy?”
“Oh em gee! I totally bet he is furry with all that wolf talk! Like I was expecting him to start howling at the moon!”
“What did you think of that weirdness, Lyssa?”
I nodded absently, hardly listening as my friends verbally eviscerated our principal. I couldn’t bring myself to care, my mind already planning the million and one things I needed to do.
I tried to keep on top of things in my life, but sometimes my plate was so full that it felt like I was drowning. And I was in one of those times. My high school career was coming to an end, everything was getting more expensive, and I still didn’t have a job.
“Hello! Earth to Lyssa!”
I blinked, pulling my head out of my locker. “Huh?”
“What did you think of our principal’s ten-minute diatribe about how we need to embrace our inner wolf or whatever?”
“Uh… it was a little strange,” I offered before returning to my task. I didn’t feel like making fun of the middle-aged man for trying to be a little outside the box. As far as school administration went, he was a nice guy and had shot me money for lunch a couple of times without making me feel like a beggar.
Thankfully, my friends didn’t expect me to be overly verbose, and the conversation kept right on rolling.
“Hey, does anyone want to go out?”
That was Sarah Jane, my bright and bubbly friend that I’d met freshman year. That whole thing had been a little weird. She’d marched right up to me while I was reading a book in the library after school, announced that we were friends, then slid me a soda. I was too surprised to tell her that wasn’t how things worked, and I would have been wrong, considering she was still in my inner circle four years later.
Which was quite impressive, if I was being honest. I wasn’t exactly prone to trusting people.
A chorus of positive answers rose from our group, and I kept myself busy pulling things out of my locker so I wouldn’t have to answer. I was broke as a joke and had so much to do, but I hated saying no to my friends.
Not that they bullied me or anything. They were pretty understanding as far as teenagers went, but I always had a slight pang of missing out whenever I had to come up with some excuse why I couldn’t join in on their little outings.
Sure, I supposed I could just ask one of them to spot me, but I wasn’t keen on that. Call it pride, call it whatever. I just preferred to keep my business to myself.
“Oh, oh, I heard earlier today that there’s a party at Matthew Rigdon’s house!”
That caused the jubilation in their group to stop awkwardly and Vanessa, the girl who’d been excitedly talking, blushed.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Dude, that’s Lyssa’s ex.”
I sighed because how could I not? Matt was indeed my on-again, off-again, on-again, and off-again once more boyfriend. I liked him okay, and he was cute, but we were fundamentally opposites as people. Not to mention that he wanted completely different things than I did. Probably because he was a rich kid with parents who supported and loved him while I was… well, me.
He always wanted to be closer than I felt comfortable, always wanted our lives intertwined in ways I wasn’t ready for. We weren’t even in the same spot regarding s*x, so that had never happened between us either.
“Guys, it’s fine. We’re still friends; we’re just taking a break to explore our options.”
“That’s what you said the last time…” Sarah Jane pointed out in a sing-song voice, returning to cleaning out her locker.
“And the time before that,” Stacy added.
“Aaaaand the time before that.”
“All right, guys, I get it,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You can give it a rest.”
Sarah Jane popped her head back out of her locker, smiling broadly. “So, we’ll see you tonight then?”
I paused for a moment, trying to mentally rearrange my schedule to see if I could do it. Logic said I shouldn’t, but my heart was fully on board. After all, since we were graduating, our time together wouldn’t remain the same. Everyone was moving on to the next phase of their life while I was still floundering, just trying to survive. We’d all go in different directions, and while we’d always be friends, I’d be stupid to pretend everything would stay the same.
“Yeah, you’ll see me tonight. Could you remember to bring me your brother’s old cap and gown? I forgot to get my own before the deadline.”
That was a lie. I just couldn’t afford it. But once again, that was my business and didn’t need to be proliferated around my friend group.
“Yeah, sure! It’s no problem.”
Not for the first time, I was incredibly grateful for how generous my friends were and that they didn’t ask too many questions about any of my requests.
We all finished cleaning out our lockers and then made our way to the exit. While a couple of us walked, most of my friends had their own cars, or their parents picked them up, so the parking lot was our real goodbye spot. With a wave and some promises not to be too late, I headed off.
But I didn’t head to where I was staying just yet. Instead, I went right towards the main shopping area, going into the first restaurant I saw.
“Hello, can I help you?” the hostess said, all bright and bubbly. Maybe I’d be chipper too, if I had a job. But as a high schooler, I was having a hard time getting hired anywhere.
“Yeah, I was wondering if I could speak with your hiring manager?”
I knew that was unorthodox. Usually, people were supposed to ask for an application first, but I was eager to skip some unnecessary steps.
“Uh, he usually doesn’t talk to people directly. Not without going through our online portal first.”
I nodded, giving her what I hoped was my sunniest smile. “I know, but it’s kind of an emergency situation. You’d be doing me a huge solid.”
The girl hesitated for a moment, chewing her l!p, and I gave her my best puppy dog look. “All right, I’ll be back. But I’m not promising anything.”
I clapped my hands together in a praying gesture, half-bowing. “Thank you! Thank you so much!”
Maybe I was laying it on a little thick, but I was desperate for a job. Sure, I was pretty good at skirting the law to keep myself fed and in some form of shelter, but it didn’t mean I liked doing it. It would be a lot less stressful to be on the up-and-up.
“You can wait in the booth over there.”
She pointed to one near the corner that was in intense, direct light from a window. Yeah, it made sense that one would remain empty.
I headed over, trying to sit straight and look like a model employee. What exactly that was, I wasn’t entirely sure, but maybe that was why I wasn’t getting hired.
About ten minutes later, I was surprised when a tall, broad man with a ruddy face came out from the back. Oh, I’d half expected to be told to get lost. But he spotted me and just a beat or two later, sat down across from me.
“Jessica tells me that you’re looking for work?”
“Yes! I know the job market is pretty tough, so I just wanted to introduce myself. Make an impression, you know?”
“I see. And what hours are you looking to work?”
“During the day, mostly. I’m doing online school at night, and as a young woman, I don’t really want to walk around the city on my own at night.”
“You don’t have a car?”
I could hear the apprehension in his voice instantly, my stomach twisting. “No, but I live just down the road! Less than a five-minute walk. That’s one of the reasons I thought this would be a great place to work.”
“I see. Well, we’ve gotten away from paper applications, but there is a way for me to flag applications that come through our online portal as a priority. I just need your phone number.”
“Would an email work? Mine’s pretty unique.”
“Uh, sure.”
Whew. Thank goodness he didn’t call me on that. Sure, my email was some cutesy thing from when I was a freshman, but that wasn’t why I used it. I’d learned after my first three failed interviews that possible employers didn’t like when someone didn’t have a phone. In fact, for a lot of them, it was an automatic disqualification.
“Great!”
I spelled out my email for him, and he wrote it down, my heart pounding in my chest. Maybe it was stupid to be so concerned about something as simple as an informal meeting with a possible boss, but I reallywanted a job.
“All right, well, if that’s it, that’ll be all, Miss….”
“Lyssa!” I said quickly. “Lyssa Clarence.”
“Right, I’ll be in contact soon, Miss Clarence.”
Goodness, I could only hope that he was telling the truth and not just gassing me up.
“Thanks! You have a good day now!”
“You too.”
With that, we shook hands and I headed out, feeling a little more hopeful. But I wasn’t the type to put all my eggs in one basket, so I headed right to the next place.
And then the next place.
And then the place after that.
By the time I hit up every restaurant and place with a hiring sign out, my back was killing me. It turned out hauling everything that was in my locker home was a pretty intense workout. But I kept going nonetheless, my drive pushing me until I’d spoken with every manager I could.
Most of the meetings went pretty well, enough for me to not feel like the entire trip was a dud, and I finally headed home.
It wasn’t the longest walk, thankfully. Certainly longer than I’d told the first manager, but not more than fifteen minutes. By the time I arrived, I was exhausted through and through. Goodness, I just wanted to lie down until it was time to go out again with my friends.
“Hey there, Lyssa! You look beat!”
I managed to flash the doorman a genuine smile. He was a sweet bean, for all that he was kind of nosy.
“Hey there, Mr. Connors. I’ve just had a crazy day. I can’t believe I’m graduating!” It was more conversation than I wanted, but I needed to stay on friendly terms with the guy.
“It’s an important time of your life. Are you excited to spread your wings and leave the nest?”
Goodness, excited was probably not the word I would use. Endlessly terrified had a much more honest ring to it.
Naturally, I didn’t say as much.
“For sure! I can’t wait to live out my own!” Not like I hadn’t been doing that for several years already…
“Ho, ho! And what about your parents? Are they as excited as you?”
“Oh, ya know, they’re coping. My mom sobs over my baby clothes while my dad pretends nothing is happening.”From NôvelDrama.Org.
More lies, but at least they were cute ones. And ones I had to keep up, considering the doorman had seen me walk in with a family and assumed they were mine. In reality, they’d just been holding the door open for me since my hands were full with the one box of possessions I’d had at the time. Naturally, I let his assumption keep up, and I had no idea how the family hadn’t corrected him. I was sure that he must have said something about me to them. Maybe they had social anxiety or just thought the doorman was a little off his rocker, however, because he still seemed none the wiser.
“Aww, how sweet. Many people would give anything to have parents who cared for them like that.”
Oof, if that wasn’t an arrow right through my heart. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
With a vaguely awkward goodbye, I made my way to the mailroom where I managed to rent a PO box. It hadn’t been easy, but luckily a six-month contract was surprisingly cheap. It took me about three full days to peruse as much of the city as possible, collecting bottles and cans to recycle, but it was most definitely worth it.
While I was able to skirt rules and obstacles pretty consistently, I’d found that I couldn’t get around needing somewhere to receive mail reliably. Whether it was official documents, school stuff, or aid requests, having a place all of that could go had considerably improved my life.
Usually, there wasn’t a ton in it, but considering the big milestone I was approaching in life, there had been at least one thing in it every day. Unlocking my little box, I pulled the three or so letters out and sorted them while I headed to the elevator.
It turned out none of it was important. Just junk mail and ads for stores that I never could hope to afford.
But I sure have stolen from them.
The thought made me giggle, and I placed a hand over my mouth even though I was alone as I walked out of the mailroom. I didn’t like that I had to steal, per se, but the adrenaline rush of it could sometimes be kind of fun. Probably not the best attitude to have, but I liked to think of it as looking on the bright side of life.
I paused at the exit to throw away the junk mail, only to have my attention drawn by something… peculiar.
I couldn’t say what made me look up, but I did, my eyes connecting with a man who had just walked into the lobby. He was a tall, uptown-looking fellow heading for the far too fancy restaurant below the lobby. His hair was a deep, royal brown like the earth itself and his eyes were an intense, foreboding umber. With his broad shoulders, strong features, and impeccable outfit, he would fit right into the expensive bistro. It was the kind of place I would never be allowed, where I imagined sirens sounding if I dared to even step onto the premises.
And for a moment, just a moment, I felt inexplicably drawn to him. For some strange reason, I was reminded of science class in sixth grade, when the teacher had put two strong magnets at either end of his desk and let them inevitably pull towards each other. I couldn’t explain it; I didn’t have words for it. All I knew was that my entire mind was suddenly honing in on the handsome stranger across the room.
His eyes sparkled with an intensity that had me frozen, and I swore I could smell his cologne from where I was standing. But it wasn’t a cloying, choking scent like the overabundance of Axe that the high school boys around me abused. No, it was woodsier, more natural, but with the undeniable musk of man and strength that had me salivating.
What the hell?
Snapping out of it, I jerked my head down and power-walked to the elevator. I must be tired because that had never happened to me before. How embarrassing! My pulse was pounding like I’d run a marathon, and my body reacted like I’d just gotten out of a heavy petting session. All the stress definitely had to be getting to me.
Thankfully, the elevator ride was enough to recover my dignity, and I felt more like myself as I exited onto my floor. Taking a deep breath, I stepped off, checking the notice on the community board to see when the next scheduled tours were.
Goodness, I loved that the building’s owners were so transparent. It made my life as a squatter so much easier. I could see that there were tours of prospective apartment renters scheduled throughout the weekend, but as long as I got up and left during a decent hour, they would never know I was there.
Then, once they were long gone, I could come back at night to at least one of the three apartments I floated through. Sure, I would have to hide what meager stuff I had, but I was used to that and had all sorts of borrower nooks and crannies to which no one was any the wiser.
Double-checking the schedule multiple times to commit it to memory, I headed to the first apartment, knowing I would be fine for the night there. Which, you know, was pretty important considering I had a graduation to prepare for.
Once I was finally in my ill-begotten refuge, I dropped my bag and sighed in relief. But there wasn’t much time to rest because I definitely needed a shower. I knew I’d really exerted myself, but I felt like I smelled much stronger than I usually did, even after a good workout.
Strange.
It was probably the stress, so I hurried to take a nice, cool shower and followed it up with one hotter than the fires of hades, as all sane people did.
I was in the middle of it, recuperating from my stressful day, when I heard one of the realtors letting people into another apartment. I couldn’t pick out her exact words, but she was merrily doing her schtick. Not for the first time, I was very grateful that she wasn’t observant enough to wonder why the sound of running water was coming from a supposedly unoccupied dwelling.
But as I scrubbed, I couldn’t help but wonder who she was showing around. Was it a wealthy couple looking for a home away from home? An internet celebrity that wanted to move to the big city? Whoever they were, chances were that they were loaded. People in the buildings were great hits for pickpocketing, or at least they would be if it weren’t for the cardinal rule of not picking where one lived. It was too easy to draw attention to myself that way, and the last thing I wanted was a bunch of cops sniffing around trying to figure out why so many theft reports were coming from the same building.
No, I would just have to keep my hands to myself until I was far from where I was squatting. It had kept me safe, and safety was one of my top priorities.
When my shower was done, I toweled off and sat down to write thank you letters to some teachers who had done kind things for me. Whether it was helping cover sports equipment back when I was younger, lending me lunch money, or even writing me letters of recommendation for colleges I would never get into, I wanted to show my appreciation. The world was a dog-eat-dog place, so I wasn’t going to let their generosity go unappreciated.
That took me a long while, and I didn’t quite have time to finish them all before I needed to start getting ready, so I put them to the side for the time being. Grabbing all the makeup samples I’d managed to squirrel away and stuff my friends had given me over the years —expiration date what? — I started putting on my ‘glamour face’, as Sarah would say. I wasn’t an expert by any means, but I’d learned a thing or two from my friends over the years.
When I was satisfied with my simple eyeliner, eyeshadow, and bold l!p, I moved to my hair, plaiting it into a smooth braid. In a way, it almost felt ritualistic, and some of the anxiety in the back of my head ebbed as I pulled out some baby hairs and styled them so the curls accentuated my look.
All in all, I felt pretty. If I had any luck, some of my friends would get pictures on their phones that I could later ask them to send me. Even if we all moved on with our lives, I would always cherish the happy times we had together.
With one last glance at the clock I’d managed to steal last year, I hid all of my things away in their hidey-holes then headed out early.