Scream For me

AARON

“Mrs. Everett is here to see you,” my secretary said when she

opened my door.

I sighed and lifted my head from my hands where I’d been resting it. It was hard to focus on work with Sabrina on my mind all the time, trying to lay claim to Ben. It was even worse that she’d arrived at my office unannounced with a lawyer in tow.

Sabrina barged into my office, the door swinging wide.

“We have to talk,” she said in a whirl of perfume and fur as she walked over to the armchair and dropped herself into it.

“I’m busy, Sabrina.”

“This is about Ben. You have time for him, don’t you? Or are you too busy for him?”

“Don’t you dare make it sound like I’m not a good father? You didn’t bring your lawyer today.”

“I thought we could talk about all the extras involved.”

I raised my eyebrows. I doubted we could get to a point where we agreed about anything without a lawyer, but there wasn’t a hard and fast rule that we had to have someone present at all times to mediate.

“What do you want?” I asked with an exasperated sigh. I sat back in my chairmight as well get comfortable. I had a feeling it was going to be a long afternoon.

“I want to know when I can meet him. You’re keeping him away from me, Aaron, and I don’t appreciate it.”

I shook my head. “I told you, I need to prepare him for this. You’ve been absent from his whole life, and you may want to march in here and make demands, but I won’t subject him to this. Have you ever thought about how Ben would feel about this? You can fuck up things for me all you like, but it’s my job to protect him.”

Sabrina narrowed her eyes at me. “Why do you have to keep making things so difficult? I’m not asking for a lot. All I want is to be in my son’s life.”

I laughed bitterly, shaking my head. “You’re not asking for a lot? That’s a hell of a lot after you abandoned him. You’re not asking to just meet him and see if he’s okay with you being in his life. You’re demanding all kinds of visitation and custody arrangements that none of us are comfortable with.”

“He’s my son, Aaron. Can’t you understand that?”

She turned on her emotions again, and soon she would start with the waterworks, too. She’d always been this manipulative, using emotion to get what she wanted. She’d always been so fucking good at itwhen she’d cried, I’d always wanted to give her what she wanted. How had I put up with that? It was hard to imagine why I’d been so heartbroken when she’d decided to leave me for someone else. I’d dodged a bulletmy life with her would have been a living hell.

“I can’t understand that,” I said after thinking for a beat. “I want you to explain to me how it is that you’ve been gone for so long, and why you think you should come into his life now. You’ve been here all this time.”

“I haven’t been here all this time,” she clapped back. “After I had him”

“And ditched him.”

“I went to Europe for a while. You have no idea what post-partum depression can be like. I was ready to finish it, Aaron. I didn’t have what it took to keep living, and I couldn’t do that to him. I knew he needed someone.”

“You were depressed?” I asked.

She nodded.

“And you went to Europe.”

“I thought a change of scenery would help me, and Louis said that it would do me good”

“Louis Everett?” I asked, putting the pieces together. “The guy you left me for.”

“Yeah, he was very gracious about how I felt and understanding when he knew I couldn’t do it all. He wasn’t ready to be a father either, and”

“Hold up,” I said, shaking my head. This story got more and more convoluted the longer she talked. “You were pregnant with my child, and Louis encouraged you to leave him on my doorstep so you two could go to Europe.” My mind spun. “Was it really about depression?”

Sabrina hesitated. “We were so young, Aaron. We didn’t have what it took. Do you know how many sacrifices I would have had to make, how much I would have had to give up? And Louis, he would have had to fill the shoes of a role he never asked for, and”

“Don’t,” I said, exhausted. Sabrina kept trying to make it seem like she was a victim of her circumstance, but the only thing she’d ever been was selfish. She hadn’t wanted to do what it took to raise a child, so she’d done the easiest thing, and she’d gotten rid of Ben.

“You’re upset with me,” she said.

I shook my head. “I’m not. I understand.”

“You do?”

I nodded. “I know why you did it. I know what it means to give it all up, make sacrifices, and change everything in your life. I understand why you couldn’t do that.”

Relief flooded her features.

“Just tell me one thing. Why now? What can you possibly gain by being in his life again? This isn’t even what you want.” “You can’t tell me what I want,” she snapped.

“I can. You don’t want custody. You don’t want school runs and play dates and PTA meetings. You don’t want fights with friends, tummy bugs, or bullies at school. Why are you here?”

Sabrina pursed her lips together. “I deserve something to show for what I put into this world, you know. You didn’t make him alone.”

“No, not physically, but the rest of who he is…that’s all me.”

“I’m his mother.”

“You abandoned him.”

“And now I’m trying to do the right thing.”

I studied her face, trying to figure out what she was all about. After all these years, she had a spark of guilt, a feeling that maybe she should have done something more, something better. She had something redeeming about hershe wasn’t a complete bitch. Close, but not complete.

“I can’t let you ruin his life because you feel guilty about leaving him here.”

Sabrina looked like she wanted to cry; this time, her tears were real. She wasn’t faking it anymore. Whatever she was doing here was driven by an emotion she truly felt.

“I know I was wrong,” she said so softly I could barely hear her.

“I forgive you,” I said.

She blinked at me. “Really?”

I nodded. “And Ben doesn’t have any hard feelings, too. He doesn’t hate you.”

“Oh,” she said, and tears rolled over her cheeks.

“But let’s be fair, Sabrina, you don’t want this. You’re trying to ease your guilty conscience. It’s not fair to do this to Ben if you’re going to run again at the first sign of trouble. We both know that’s what you do.”

“You’re making me sound like such a terrible person.”

“I’m being realistic and I’m thinking of Ben. He’ll be devastated if you come into his life now just to leave again.” I took a deep breath. “Just let it go. You don’t want this, and neither do I. Why don’t you go back to your life? We’ll part on a good note, and you can rest easy knowing that we’re okay. Ben’s okay, I’m on top of this, and neither of us resents you for what you did. You can forgive yourself and move on.”

Sabrina covered her face with her hands and cried, her shoulders shaking. I wasn’t sure what to do. I hadn’t thought we would ever get to this point. I hadn’t thought I would ever be able to forgive her for what she’d done to me, for taking my life away from me. Only now, when I’d had a chance to change it all, I realized this life with Ben was exactly what I wanted. I wasn’t angry with Sabrina anymore.

I’d never felt sorry for her, but right now, I pitied her. How empty her life had to be.

“Thank you,” she finally said, dropping her hands. Her makeup was smudged, more proof that the emotions she’d shown were real. “You’ve given me a gift bigger than anything money can buy.”

“Good luck with your ventures, Sabrina. I wish you all the happiness you deserve. Truly.”

“You too, Aaron.”

She stood and left my office. Finally, a free womanno more guilt to be had, and I didn’t hate her for what she’d done. I was where I wanted to be; Ben was mine and mine alone.

Relief washed over me, and I sagged in my chair. This horrible nightmare was over, and I felt lighter than air, letting go of the anger and resentment I’d held against her all these years.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

I had my life and wanted it exactly as it was now.