In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

He is not smiling as usual. He’s just staring back at me. Likewise, He comes up close to my face and says: “Can I?” Then he raises his hand to his fries, and I am in disbelief at how he can act like that again so quickly. I go along with him and say getting close to his face: “Of course.” He looks surprised at my reaction, but says nothing. I take my sandwich and ignore the fact that he is standing right next to me. His colleagues finish their order and tell him they’ll get it soon, so they can go back to the dance floor. Yan nods yes, and they leave, but the black-haired girl comes to his side, says something in his ear and pulls his hand away, so he can go with her. I continue with my sandwich. He gets up, but before he gets some chips, he makes me look at him, who also looks back at me and says: See you. I smile back. But inside, I don’t feel good. A few minutes later I see everyone leaving and Kyle waves to me and I wave back. A few minutes later I see the girl with the black hair leaning Yan against a window, and they kiss as if they were in a closed room and not in a crowded mall. The food sticks in my throat for a while, I don’t think I’m hungry anymore. I take a deep breath. Why am I so angry? What we did was consensual, and we agreed that it was for our goodness’ sake and that it would never happen again. Then why do I have this feeling that something is still missing? Why do I still not like seeing him like this with another girl? I say to myself:

“Damn it, Sky!” On the way home, I realize something, this is precisely how it was supposed to be. Everything that happened yesterday was so that we would never have to feel anything again. So Yan is acting right, and I’m the one questioning myself about something I shouldn’t even care about, which is him acting and being the way he is. He’s right, and I’m going to act like him, as if I don’t care what happened or what will happen. After all, nothing will ever happen again. I raise my eyes, take a deep breath, this bullshit about falling for that guy is over, it ended last night. I don’t have to worry about it anymore. … “Matt!” As soon as he opens the door, I run to meet him and give him a strong, tight hug, then a kiss. He says: “Wow!” I missed you so much, Matt. He smiles. I am so happy to have him back here. … “What about Yan?” His question takes me surprised as I grab a juice from the fridge for him. “Huh?” “I just got home from a trip and came straight here.” “Oh, he’s fine. I saw him earlier today.” He likes to hear that and then says: “Do you want to go home with me now? It’s almost time to make something for dinner.” I prefer not to have to go to Matt’s apartment now and find Yan there, probably with that girl. “No, I’d like to go to that restaurant we always go to, if you’re not tired.” He looks at me and smiles. “I’m just going home to take a shower and come by to pick you up.” He takes his juice, gives me a quick kiss and walks out the door. I really want to decipher what I’m feeling  now because I don’t know if I like feeling this way. “Shhh…” I put my hand over his mouth, so that Matt stops laughing as loudly as I do. I end up laughing even harder. Matt puts me against the wall again before we go into his apartment. I only agreed to come to his apartment so that we could finish what we started from the time we got into his car, before we go to the restaurant because I know that Yan won’t be home at this time of night on a Sunday. I think the wine I drank is also helping that we almost had sex anywhere in the city. He opens the door and turns to kiss me again. He pulls up my skirt and squeezes my buttocks as he kisses me and says: “I missed that ass.” I end up laughing and hear someone cough. Matt walks away as we look over at Yan who is sitting on the couch watching TV. He is actually looking at us, not at the TV, as we look back. Matt lets go of me and goes to close the door. I don’t even look in Yan’s direction again. Matt says: ” I thought you had left.” Matt looks at me with a smile on his face. I go toward the kitchen to get a glass of water. I go back into the living room and sit down next to Matt. Likewise, I don’t know why we are here if we really want to go to his room. Matt has one of his hands on my leg, and I don’t know if for a second I caught Yan looking at his hand resting there. Matt finally gets us out of this awkward situation by whispering: “Shall we go to my room?” He turns to Yan and says that he is tired from the trip and is already going to sleep. I just smile at Yan. I know he will be fine, just like he was earlier today. Furthermore, I just wonder what he is doing here at this hour. Where is the girl with the long hair? Oh, that’s really not my problem. The concern is that as soon as we get up he also gets up, turns off the TV and says that he is also going to sleep. When Matt goes ahead and pulls my hand, Yan and I stay behind and as soon as he opens the door to his room, which is just before Matt’s room, he looks me in the eyes in a way that is so sad, it makes me so confused again. Matt closes the door, and we begin to kiss in the same way we were kissing before Yan interrupted. And I can’t believe that I’m thinking of him instantly like this, but I guess I am. As Matt’s mouth trails down my neck and back again to my mouth, I remember the sad look on Yan’s face as he entered his room seconds ago. Damn it! He didn’t have that look on his face when I found him at the mall with that girl. And it was precisely because of his attitude of pretending so well that nothing happened as we had agreed, that I decided not to think about anything anymore and to go on with my life with Matt. But now he gives me this look when I’m doing what he really wanted to do, which is to let our lives move on. Okay, focus. You are with Matt now, Sky. Beautiful wonderful and the best boyfriend in the world, who kisses me as he is carrying me to bed, takes off my shirt and comes to my mouth again. The problem is that while he is kissing me, I find myself thinking again what it would be like if Yan had kissed me the way Matt is kissing me now. “Shit.” Matt stops kissing me and stands up, looking at me confused. “What is it, Sky?” I stare at him, totally surprised as he is. It wasn’t supposed to come out that loud. Now I have to give an explanation. I’ll risk one: “t’s just that… if you keep kissing me like this and with these hands, all over my body, it’s going to be hard for this here to be silent.” He knows what I mean. And I really am telling the truth. He laughs and bites his lips: “I don’t want you to be silent.” I end up laughing as he comes back to my mouth. I say as he kisses me: “But, we are not alone and….” He interrupts me: “Forget that my brother is here, Okay?” I close my eyes and lose myself in his lips that are moving down my body. I just wish I didn’t think they had a similar way of making a woman totally horny in bed.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .