His Soul & His Shame

I can't see them all lovey-dovey with each other on the stage. I placed my plate on the table and stood up to run away from there, from them and this damn town. I never knew this hurt this much. I am embarrassed because of his lie. I look like a fool in front of Joanna. She always warned me about him, about him making me a fool every time but I never listened. I am a damn fool.

"Fay! Are you alright?" Joanna enquired seeing me sitting still.

"Y... yes... s..." I choked out before running from the hall without looking behind and I can hear Joanna calling me but It feels like I am being choked there and I can't breathe properly. I have to get away from them.

I heard footsteps following me but I ignored them and ran faster to get away. I can't stay there for more than a second. It is choking the life out of me.

How can I be a fool, how can I be played by Ezra? It is so embarrassing thinking that I had a chance with him and making my hopes high. I am just his friend nothing more and just a girl whom he pity.

I shouldn't have agreed to come here, and the main thing is I shouldn't have accepted his stupid dress and the chain he gave me.

This time I hear footsteps catching up to me and I know who is it.

" Joanna please I want to go home and don't follow me," I yelled before adding pace to my steps. I am so embarrassed to face her. And I can still hear footsteps.

"Joanna I said don't follow me, please! You can call a cab and go home or stay and enjoy the party." I hear Only footsteps but no words from her. She is making me lose my temper with her silence.

"Joanna!...." I turned around to tell her to go back to the party but I come face to face with none other than the only person I don't want to see right now.

"You! Why are you following me?" I spat the words turning around to resume my running.

"Fay! Where are you running to? Party hasn't begun yet." Seriously, parties are more important than me! Important than my hurt and pride?

"Do you think I care about the damn party after what happened?" I scoffed at his words.

"I am sorry, you misunderstood the situation. I....." He started giving his empty excuses and I am tired of listening to them.

"Please stop your empty words and excuses. I don't care about anything. Do whatever you want to do Ezra." I replied scowling before turning around to leave his presence. "please Fay! Don't do this, please for our friendship." Ezra whispered

"Huh? Friendship?" I scoffed knowing very well how much value he had for our friendship. He moved his head up hearing me scoff and I can see his jaw hardening.

"I am saying please if not for our friendship then for us...." He said moving towards me.

"Stop! Stop right there Ezra Irwin, there is no us, not now nor ever." I said clenching my fists so hard trying to not lose my cool and punch this hard-headed handsome man. "Why? I know you like hearing it, Us." He said stressing Us mocking me.

"I never said anything to you, Ezra, so stop being rude and go back to your girlfriend," I turned around ready to dash from there but luck was not on my side and I was rudely stopped by this giant man whom I thought of something more than everyone else.

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He pulled me towards him into his arms holding my elbows and whispered in my ear" She is not my girlfriend baby girl and you know that I don't do these things." My breath was caught up in my throat making it hard to breathe and making it hard to push him away.

My heart and body were betraying me and listening to his whispers and commands. I resisted Ezra this long but now my resolve is slipping through my fingers. "Please......." I tried to resist but it's of no use.

"Use your words Baby girl, Hmm?" His hand came up from behind and locked around my neck putting me in a chokehold but not pressing it harder and his mouth near my ear.

It feels so good to feel his warm chocolate breath which is giving me tingles all over my body.

"Ezra.... This is wrong, so wrong. You have a Girl...." I uttered those words with so much difficulty to get stopped abruptly by his finger which he placed on my lips. "Shhhh.... No more thinking about others. It's just you and me." His words are raising my hopes for something impossible.

"But...." I started only to be cut off by another voice which is hurt, angry, and sad.

"Ezra!" The voice called with a shaky voice.

But Ezra didn't give me the chance to react before his lips were on mine and I am tasting his tongue and his lips molding with mine so beautifully.

This is everything I dreamed of, everything I wanted but not now not in this situation when his girlfriend is standing some feet away from us seeing us kissing.

I removed myself from Ezra and pushed him away and wiped my mouth as it disgusted me but it was the best kiss of my life. I will cherish this moment.

"Go home baby girl and wait for me," Ezra ordered me. Does he think that I will listen to him after this, if he does then he is going to be surprised when he finds out I am not going to follow his orders anymore?

"I don't think so Ezra and go and explain to your girlfriend why your lips are on mine and smooching mine instead of hers." I mocked before turning around for the last time and deciding to numb my head and hurt tonight to not get hurt anymore.

He is asking me to go home instead of telling her why he kissed me while listening to Mitch's voice. He is making me his second choice again and her his first choice by going to her to explain.

This was his last chance but he chose her instead of me and now it's my turn to choose what is right for me.

I don't think he will come to me tonight because he has so much explaining to do to Mitchell and she is his soul and soul is more important than shame.

I sat in a cab, sending a text to Joanna that I am fine and going home, and asked her to go home safe and let me know once she is at home.

There is so much hurt, anger, and embarrassment inside me that I am afraid I am going to burst but I locked everything inside my head and heart for now. I can't have a mental breakdown in a cab. I will learn one day to not get hurt by anything easily and wait patiently for it.