Her, To Home

The chill in the room was strange, like something was crawling on her skin, raising alarms in her head. Her breath also felt cold as if she could see the ghost the room held dancing in the air coming out of her mouth. She wasn’t afraid but yet, she wanted to escape already. When her eyes fell on the lifeless white dome, she stepped back almost unconsciously, her mouth opening in a gasp but found a warm chest behind her, supporting her. His hand slide around her waist and she felt him give her a comforting squeeze. Her eyes slide to the man beside her who was already staring back at her with chilled eyes and then to the body covered in white cloth. She took a deep breath and once again stepped towards it, making sure she wouldn’t run away, she held Dean hand which was on her waist tightly.

She was glad that there was someone who was willing to touch that soulless body because she couldn’t. This was June Parker, her June Parker, her best friend. Even though this same June Parker made the foolishness of making her choose between her and Dean, she was still her someone who Sara had loved, had held dear. She couldn’t find herself to be cold to her, to be annoyed from her hatred any longer, not when the same June who walked with so much resentment was suddenly a cold, silent body.

Sara closed her eyes tightly when the cop pushed back the cloth, clutching her jaw to not let any tears escape she dug her nails in Dean’s hands and found him unmoving. She took another deep breath and suddenly felt sick to her stomach but forced herself to open her eyes.

She once again stepped back deeper into Dean’s embrace and a silent cry escaped her mouth. Her hand coming up to cover her mouth so that she wouldn’t make a sound.

June Parker’s eyes were wide open, staring blankly at the ceiling. The usual darkness she had recently seen in her eyes were no longer swirling in them instead they looked sad, lonely eyes filled with despair as they looking into nothingness. Her bare shoulders just made Sara feel colder and she wanted to take off her clothes to cover them.

“You have something to say to her?” His soft whisper in her ear made her flinch back into reality and she turned her wet eyes towards his which held helplessness and wanted to dug herself deeper into him. She didn’t want to feel this sad; she didn’t want to feel like she needs to say something but the words she should say where overflowing inside her mind so she slowly nodded.

Dean had been right, someone needed to grieve for June, someone needed to remember that there was more to June then a girl who had been so deeply thrown into the maze her sister created in her head. Sara didn’t even know how many years it had taken for June to reach a point where she was ready to kill someone just for the sake of curing herself from the madness that had taken over her. Someone needed to remember June Parker as she should have been, as she would have been if….

Leaning closer she raised one hand and pressed it against June’s cold forehand. The chill of her lifeless body sent a chill through her body but the warmth of Dean’s body assured her that she didn’t have to be afraid of this bone chilling cold.

“I am sorry, June.” Sara whispered. She knew June could no longer hear her nor could she can care but Sara needed to apologize. She needed to hold herself responsible. Not for her death but being unable to see that June had always been suffering. She had webbed herself into this cobweb so deeply that at the end, even with her life on the line she had taken a step deeper into that darkness rather than taking her hand. Sara wished June had talked to her. In the past four years they have been together, Sara would have tried to help June. If she knew that June was so deeply into this ecstasy of hatred towards a man she hardly knew, Sara would have shown her the same man who was deserving of her love. She was sorry, she was sorry for not being able to see through June’s disguise. She had been unable to tell her lies from truth. She wanted to apologize for not being able to cure the resentment that had taken June’s life.

She wanted to say more but somehow, the words were stuck in her throat. Other than the apology, she couldn’t make any words voice out. Once again, she felt Dean’s hand tightening around her and she finally murmured, “Thank you for being there with me.”

Leaning back, she dug herself into Dean but found that he wasn’t moving. His eyes were staring at June. The fire in his eyes was somewhat unrecognizable for Sara. She cupped his face and he blinked and looked at her like he had been awoken from a daze. There was deep conflict dancing in his eyes as if he couldn’t understand something and yet the fire was higher than she had seen many times in the past. It wasn’t that molding, warm one but it looked screeching hot like she would burn if she touched him but she wasn’t ever afraid of fire anyway so stayed put, looking at him.

He leaned down and kissed her head, pulling her away from June Parker’s body quickly but Sara did glance back once more to say goodbye only to see the cop putting back the white cloth on June making her one of the many lives which would haunt the place forever now. Sara turned her head and let the final tears escape. She had already said her last farewell to the June Parker only she knew.

As Dean drove her back to the hospital, she once again found him dazed, confused at he stared at the road.

“Tell me.” She said, turning her head away. She knew he wanted to say something, and he would never say it while she was looking at his eyes so she leaned back on the seat and closed her eyes to wait.

“Have you ever thought…. that it could have been me….”

She slowly smiled and without opening her eyes asked, “Who? Jennet or June?”

“Jennet…. and June. I would have been Jennet if you had refused to love me. And I am June, as you have accepted my love.”

“Are you afraid of this madness, Dean?”

“After watching June, lay there so alone I realized that I am no better. I would pull the trigger as well. If it’s for you, I would always pull it, on whoever it is.”

Sara opened her eyes and turned her head, staring at the side profile of her lover. She felt like he was the moon, so embraced into darkness all the time but then he was her sun, so bright that it hurt her heart. He was sometimes the stars, so beautiful as if he could be broken into pieces. Maybe he was a universe, every element existing on this planet. For her, he was everything her eyes could see, her hand could touch and the air she breathes.

“Are you afraid of this madness?” She asked again.

He didn’t say anything but simply stared at the road but she could see the blazing fire in those dark eyes, that same fire which was unmoving, had just lit higher since the time she accepted him. The conflict which had dazed his mind was now so far away from those stubborn eyes that she could only stare at something so hers.

It felt like hours as the silent stretched but for her it was time was stopping for them so simply let it stop for her to feed her eyes. The silent man in her sight had already given her the answer she wanted; she didn’t need to hear it from. After falling in love with him, Dean had been like an open book which not only didn’t bother to close itself in front of her but would even read aloud those thoughts so fearlessly that she could only accept that trust he held in her love.

It wasn’t until they reached, they hospital when Dean finally turned to her. His loud eyes were blazing yet warm as if she has finally reached home.

“I am not afraid of that madness, Sara O’Brian.” He finally admitted.

“You shouldn’t be either, June and Jennet were alone in their madness. You aren’t. I’ll go as crazy with as you want, as mad as you want.” She said and rubbed his face with her thumb, staring at those lips and then at those bare eyes.

“Aren’t you afraid?” he grabbed her hand and demanded. Though he was asking but she could see those eyes which were unconsciously warning her to not say anything other then what he wanted to hear.

“People who are alone in madness are afraid, Dean. Won’t you be dancing with mine forever.” She stated softly.

She was ready to dance with his, was ready to never let her feet rest if it meant she could forever hold Dean as hers. She wanted to fall deeper into this madness, this insanity of love which she shared with Dean. She wanted to see how far they could go; sanity was a small price to pay. A life was long but she knew her love was deeper, like the soul of earth which have remained as heated even with flying time around it. Like the spinning of planets, her love for the Dean who have always bare himself so easily in front of her was unchanged.

Dean raised his hand and slowly traced her forehead, nose and then lips, an action she had almost forgotten but yet it was so similar to her skin because it blushed under his touch. As his finger reached her neck and down to her collar bone, it stopped on her heart. He put his hand flat on her heart and stared deeply into her eyes.

“Till my last breath, O’Brian.”

The End

She fell in love with how he called her his home,

How his steps danced on the voice of her soul,

How bare he was as if his skin was hers to own,

She fell, as if this universe held only him alone,

She drowned deeper as he made her waltz on his songs,

How he loved her as she was last to ever be adored,

With all his life, how he held her so close,

As if he was the last to save her from this world of storms,

So she pleaded,

On his heart, his love,

As long as he would open the door,

She would be there to welcome him home.

She would be the one to embrace him as her own.

Epilogue

He was getting ready when she appeared, dressed in a soft peach gown looking like a goddess from heaven he never knew he could ever hold a part of. Her hands came closer to fix his tie for him and he simply looked at her, his eyes tracing the jewelry she had worn to the color of her soft lipstick. He waited till she was done before pulling her close to his chest.

“Am I still not just as handsome?” He, like a needy puppy demanded from her.

He watched as she smiled, the soft smile lines were taking longer to go away now but her smile still made him able to move the universe for it. Her dirty blonde hair was now simply blonde and much longer, tied behind her head except for few loose strands which felt like brushes of feather on touch. Those forest-like eyes still held such adoration that sometimes it made him weak on his knees for he couldn’t believe that her forever had really fell in line with his forever.

“Hmm, just as desperate as well.” Though her smile was that of an angel, her mouth still smacked him right in the face but he was a simply man. The mere fact that her eyes was holding him was enough to boast his over confidence so his hand slide down, cupping her butt and just to watch those glaring eyes once again, he pinched the soft globe gently.

The smack which was usually on stand didn’t come but he watched as her eyes danced in amusement. Surrounding his neck with her arms, she pulled his face closer and asked, “When are you going to grow up, honey?”

Seeing at he had been given freedom to do as will he continued to kneed her butt as he replied, “Do you doubt my manliness, woman? If you do, let me show you….” and rather than talking, he slides his hand down from her butt to her tights and was just about to pick her up when there was a knock on the door.

“The ceremony starts in few minutes, you horn dog. Have some dignity till it ends.” Jamie’s voice made him glare at the closed door.

“You shameless asshole! How dare you eavesdrop on your sister and her husband!” Dean shouted.

“Think whatever you want, just keep in your pants for few hours or else I am calling mum.” Jamie shouted back and Dean could hear that he was laughing.

He looked away from the door to the woman in his arms who was simply looking at him with eyes dancing in laughter.

“You knew he was outside….” He winded.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

“I made him stand outside.” Sara admitted so simply that he almost pushed her down to show her that he didn’t care but thinking otherwise, stopped himself and just put his forehead on hers.

“Are you happy, O’Brian?” He asked. This question had been his constant partner on every occasion possible. There were times he had asked Sara that question almost every night. And even though he had asked this question a million times, the fear of its answer was still the same since the very first time he had thrown that question at her.

She closed her eyes and breathe him in. He could feel her warm breath over his lips and then so softly felt as the same lips moved to answer him, grazing with his.

“With all my heart, my soul.”

He closed his eyes tightly and clutched his jaw. There had been a tingling in a nerve there and he could feel that his eyes had gotten wet but he didn’t want to cry, not today.

They stayed like this as time passed like sand but Dean wanted to stop it, wanted to pause it. Wanted to have few more decades on hand of this very time so he could relive it all over again. It had been so long but he was still as greedy as he had been the first time, he had fallen for her. He wanted more time, he wanted more of her. As he held her, he could feel that time had taken away much from her, she was so fragile now, so easily bruised and he wanted to turn back the clock. Wanted to be back where he had started so he could fall in love with Sara O’Brian all over again and live another, and another and another life with her. He wanted to hold those small hands in his and take her to the park, he wanted to sit down with her to teach her poems, he wanted to watch as she cried when he used to get hurt.

He wanted her for another lifetime till he was lost in an endless cycle of falling over and over for her.

It was her, who pulled back and grabbed his hand which made him open his eyes. She was smiling, as if the world had stopped itself for this very moment.

Pulling him towards the door, she opened it and the both stepped out. Jamie was nowhere in sight but he could hear the loud noise from downstairs.

He made her lead him downstairs as he kept his eyes on her back, watching how her shoulders danced as she walked, how her hips moved like she was waltzing with every step.

They passed through a crowded hallway and finally reached the venue. There was a woman standing there, dressed in white who smiled when she saw them. Dean, for a moment went back to the time where he had once before seen such a similar image, the same eyes dancing in glee as they looked at him. It seemed like time had passed too fast for him.

Sara didn’t let go of his hand till they reached the woman. She gently slides his hand in the hand of woman dressed in white who gave it a shaky squeeze and then slide that hand to his arm.

He was still watching his wife who had turned to enter the venue from another door.

“O’Brian….” He softly called her.

She turned, just slight so that she could meet his eyes. Her eyes knowingly looked at him and few seconds he could only stare and this is where he wanted time to stop so that he could have forever to look at her.

“I love you.” She told him before he could say anything and without waiting for him to catch to her pace of loving him, she was already walking away leaving him to continue his chase of loving her.

T H E E N D

Bonus