Enough For Him

I grabbed a robe and wrapped it around my body and grabbed the dress. It was a summer dress that reached my thighs. The perfect dress for a evening meal with Leon and Jay.

I then went onto my makeup and hair. Since my hair was naturally wavy, I decided to just apply some oil and let it dry naturally i did the same with my makeup and brought my natural features out with gloss and mascara.

I grabbed my phone and took a picture of myself using one of the mirrors in the room.

I was adding a few hashtags as I left the bathroom. I had noticed where I was going and Leon’s voice startled me.

“You look beautiful Liz” I glanced up and found Leon standing before me. his eyes moving down my body as he complimented me.

I locked my phone “Thank you, I’m just going to get jay ready you can use the shower now” I said as I walked past him. I wished I hadn’t heard it, but Leon sighed as I walked by him.

I know he is trying hard and it must be painful but what did he expect. I won’t pretend that I got ready without Leon in my mind. Don’t ask me to fall out of love with him because no matter how hard I try to. I don’t think I will ever not love Leon. My father always warned me about my first love and now I’m only just realising what he meant by those words.

Right now, he hasn’t done one thing wrong since our initial break up so I will give him the benefit of doubt for now.

I felt like I was breaking a sweat when I finally got Jayson ready. He was definitely hungry; he couldn’t stay still for one second and was very close to throwing tantrums as I tied his shoelaces.

“are you giving mommy a hard time,” Leon said walking into the room.

At the sound of his father’s voice, Jayson bowed his head ashamed. “it’s okay jay, it’s been a long day lets go eat shall we” I said finishing quickly. It wasn’t long before Jay was instantly back in a good mood.

We all exited the villa and were driven to the restaurant. I honestly didn’t know how I was going to get through this trip without messing up. I have to remember that this is for Jayson.

When we arrived at the restaurant we walked inside, and we were instantly led to a small table. As we walked through the restaurant, I could see the wandering eyes of many girls and older women.

It annoyed me to the point that I was squeezing onto Jay’s hand. I quickly released my hold when I realised that I may actually bring Jay pain.

I don’t know whether it was because they recognised him. But I couldn’t hide the fact that Leon looked really handsome tonight.

He dressed to impress. Wearing a combination of black and white in his white crisp shirt where he left the first few buttons open revealing his defined chest. I prayed that he was trying to impress me and not the beautiful women of Bali.

I held onto the wine glass as I watched Leon go through the menu with Jayson. I had already de-cided on what I was having but watching them two brought me joy. With the way that Leon man-aged to explain the food to a toddler it was fascinating to see the 16 month old boy try to under-stand what his father was telling him. But even though he most likely didn’t understand he still gave all his attention to Leon.

The waiter came over and took our orders.

“Great choices, I’ll get them for you now,” the waiter said taking the menu’s from us and leaving to attend other tables.

I had no other choice than to speak with Leon now but I had mentally prepared myself for this.

“I planned for us to visit the island tomorrow,” Leon tells me his attention was fully on me. I tried not to feel intimidated, but it was proving to be very difficult. Try not getting intimidated by this man.

“sounds good, I want to do a lot of sight-seeing whilst we’re here” I replied to him to which he nodded pleased with my answer. It must have coordinated well with his plans.

I grabbed my glass bringing it to my lips.

Luckily for me, our food had arrived giving me somewhat of a distraction from Leon who made it his mission to make me feel uncomfortable.

“this looks amazing,” I said eying my plate. I don’t think I’ve had this type of food before it was re-freshing to have this type of food.

I rarely branch out to other cuisines, so this is good.

We continued to eat our meals with small talk here and there. I know that I should’ve made more of an effort in the conversation, but I don’t want to get too comfortable in case Leon gets the wrong idea.

Leon walked ahead with Jayson as we decided to walk along the boulevard. I stepped in line with them both only for Jayson to walk ahead.

“Avoiding talking to me isn’t going to make this trip memorable Lizzy” Leon said his tone slightly annoyed at me.

I sighed “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say” I admitted to him. In the past we never failed to have something to talk about, I’ll admit it was Leon that was doing most of the talking but back then I was more than happy to chat excitedly with him about various different topics.

“you do know what to say, I think you’re just scared to give me more than you want to. I just want you to give us one more chance that’s all I ever want” he pleads, there was clear desperation in his voice, and it annoyed me.

It’s not that easy.

“You don’t deserve another chance” I whispered “ever since I met you, I was scared that you would get bored of me. you were the guy all the girls wanted and back then you made me feel special knowing that you wanted me. But my fears came true when you betrayed me Leon” I said my eyes staring into those warm ones.

The eyes that loved me for years.

“can’t you just accept that it was a mistake” he mumbled bowing his head.

“why didn’t you defend yourself, I thought you had sex with her, and you led me to believe that. I know you wanted my attention so why didn’t you just tell me instead of looking for comfort in an-other woman” by now we had stopped walking, my chest was rising rapidly.

I felt Jayson tugging on my dress.

I didn’t want a relationship in school, I didn’t care for it. All I wanted was to get my degree and live my life with my friends. Leon took over my mind, my body and that’s why this hurts more than any-thing. I put all my trust in one man. Which clearly was the biggest mistake in my life.

“I already hurt you Liz, I saw the look in your eyes, and I felt disgusting knowing that I had betrayed you in so many ways” that still doesn’t make it okay to leave me thinking the worst.

I watched his eyes lower, his body no longer the confident one. I could clearly see that this was eating away at him. As well as my heart being so fragile to seeing this man, my man feels so empty and looks incredibly annoyed at himself.

I also knew that my past was catching up to me. why hasn’t he brought it up, it would be the per-fect argument to get me to shut up.

I surprised myself as I walked forward lifting up his chin with my fingers “why haven’t you said it, what’s holding you back Leon” Leon stared into my eyes his eyes searching for the answer.

He shook out of my hold. “I don’t dwell on the past Liz you should know that. That has no signifi-cance now”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

But it does.

I searched everywhere for him. I missed all my morning classes because I was desperate to speak to him and explain to him what happened.

It was also hard asking people to tell me where he was when barely anyone knew about up.

Waking up this morning on a sofa with another guy was not how I wanted to start this day. Last night was a night I wanted to forget.

The fact that Leon hasn’t called me since last night made me realise that he already knew.

To everyone, it was just normal. My friends were excited that I did something with a guy. They thought I hadn’t had my first kiss. But Leon gave me my first kiss 2 months ago.

I had no control over my actions last night but when Tyler kissed me, I was sober and fully aware of my actions. Seeing Leon laughing and smiling with another girl who made it clear that Leon and she had a past. It annoyed me.