Chasing the rejected Luna

46: Seeing him again

I looked through the windows at the trees that flew past us as we drove away from Ryven's pack. It felt like a dream. I was in a state where I felt like I was floating where I was in the dimensions between reality and s dream.

I was finally going back to Alexander after so many conflicted emotions. I didn't know how to feel if I was being honest with myself. Alexander was someone who pretended like I didn't exist until the day he found out I was his mate.

I tried to shun the voice in me which tried to bring up the conversation I had with Ryven. Did Alexander really let that happen to me knowing full well I was his mate? If yes, why the hell was I going back to him?

I knew the answer. I still loved him. Maybe I had been lying to myself from the time I said I didn't care about him because of what he did.

But I cared. I cared so much I had to push the emotions to the back of my mind. Because each time I thought about him, it was raw agony for me, I sometimes found it hard to breathe.

I opened the window while the car sped away and my hair whipped around my face in a painful but comfortable way.

"How do you feel about seeing him again?" Ryven's Beta asked me from the driver's seat. I never always got to remember his name and I wasn't willing to ask him about it again when I asked not quite long. It would be so embarrassing.

I looked out of the window at him. He was wearing a black hoodie that reminded me of the first time I came into Ryven's pack. It was such a shame for someone as alluring as Ryven to have such an evil mind.

I didn't know I had been staring until Ryven's Beta rose a bushy brow at me and I came back to reality. "I'll be fine. I need to sort out things myself and stop running away from me," I said and I felt his eyes on me. Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

The gaze was so intense I had to look at him to find him looking at me with a hand resting on the window sill while the other hand was lazily draped on the driving wheel.

"Eyes on the road," I screamed as an incoming car drove past us.

He smiled with a glint in his eyes and he looked back at the road, "I got it," he said and the beating of my heart calmed down just a little but his next words made it spike up again.

"Why did you do what Ava asked?" He looked at me then back at the road. My hand twisted on my thighs out of frayed nerves.

"Nothing. I just had to do it."

He sighed, "It may seem like I don't notice what goes on around the pack, especially with you and Alpha Ryven but I do," he stopped, looking at me to see my reaction.

But my face was as blank as a sheet of paper, as I tried to keep my emotions in check without spilling over and making a mess out of myself. The man beside me was someone I believed not to say more than ten words in a sentence. But here he was asking me the same question I asked myself while I walked out of the dungeon.

Maybe it was because I believed in Ava even if she killed her father. Her father wasn't exactly a saint because he had brutally murdered my parents. After all, they refused to ally with him.

What scared me the most was that I felt no pity for Ryven for what Ava planned to do to him. He deserved it multiple times over. I unconsciously held my stomach as the memory of Ryven almost made me take the wolfsbane and I shuddered.

"Your baby is safe. I'm glad you did what you had to do," Ryven's Beta said and my mouth hung agape at his words and he chuckled. The sound of his laughter sounded funny to me. It was like he didn't know what to do with the emotion.

"I understand you. Even if I am an advent follower of Alpha Ryven, I knew what he did was wrong."

"Will you stop Ava?" I asked him and he gave another laugh. But this time, it was longer and louder.

"No. Ryven deserves what is coming to him. I always wanted Ava to be the Alpha. But at that time, she was highly unstable because of her mother's death. Her powers were going out of hand. And we couldn't make her our alpha."

"Do you think it had something to do with Ryven? If he had a hand in it?" I asked him while I looked out of the window again. We were now out of Ryven's pack and I heard a gasp from his Beta.

It happened to me when I left Alexander's pack. The pack link will be ripped off from the person temporarily because the person wasn't banished from the pack.

But even if I were to get back in Alexander's pack, the pack link wouldn't come back because I was already mated to Ryven. The thought of him brought my hand to my neck, where the bite mark lay.

Ryven's Beta breathed hard until it came to a slow breath, "Yes. I believe Ryven had a hand in it. He was so desperate to get the position. There is blood on his hands just so he could get what he wanted. His father had blood on his hands but it is nothing compared to Ryven's," he said with the last words almost stopping at a whisper.

I could tell he was pained. Were any of his close ones killed by Ryven or his father? His eyes had gone from shining brown to dull.

"Was any of your family affected?" I heard the words fly out of my mouth before I could stop it.

He looked away from the road to me "Yes and no," he said and I didn't push. I knew he didn't want to talk about it from the hardened set of his jaws.

I looked away from him as silence descended in the car. It was a comfortable silence, both of us lost in our worlds. I didn't need to say more words as I was so occupied by the thoughts that filled my head.

They were thoughts about how I was going to face Dianne's mother. I guess I was afraid to face her and see the mask of innocence pulled off her face. It would be clashing with what I had come to believe since I was a child.

A little part of me wanted to refute Ryven's words. But as much as I did, I knew he was right. My instincts never lied and I knew it wasn't lying this time. The evidence was all there.

When she came to tell me Alexander had killed Rudolph just to pin the blame on me. It was timed and calculated. I knew I would have stayed if Alexander had begged me one more time. Or did she know Alexander would have slipped and decided not to trade me over with the land again?

Or was all this just part of my imagination just to prove to myself Alexander cared about me? The letters Alexander sent carried so much regret and pain. Or was that also part of me that wished he was who I sketched him to be in my mind?

He was perfect. Almost.

That's how he was in my mind. Fear gripped me tight like a vice when I saw the familiar trees of Alexander's pack. We were here. All the things I planned to say to Alexander when I finally got to see him flew out of the window.

"You need to relax. The baby must be born healthy," Ryven's Beta said and I was thankful for his voice as it served as a momentary distraction for me.

I nodded at him but still clutched my blue gown unconsciously. I was battered with nerves. Counting to two hundred in my head to distract me, we finally got to the gate serving as protection along with the huge walls.

A guard stopped us and he talked in hushed tones with Ryven's Beta. I was far too gone in my worries to listen in on their conversation. After some time, we were granted access.

"Take good care of yourself and …" Ryven's Beta looked at my stomach to emphasize his point and I understood.

We were standing at the front of the pack house now. There were no guards to escort us back to the house as we had been uninvited. I nodded at him too absorbed by emotions to let out a single word.

Ryven's Beta looked me in the eyes, bent his head low like he was paying his last respect to me as the Luna of Ryven's pack and it hit me. Hard.

"You're not coming in?" I asked him while I moved a step closer to him with my luggage in my hand.

"No, I won't. The pack needs me now more than ever. You'll be fine. I know that. You're more capable than you think," he smiled sadly.

"I…" I stopped because of the sound of my voice. It sounded like a broken record. I could hardly recognize the sound of it. Even though I had only interacted with him for a short while, I understood him.

He was someone I know I would have bonded well with if not because of the circumstances that surrounded us.

"Will the people be okay? What about the disease?" I asked him, my eyes not leaving his.

"They'll be fine. As soon as you get in there, the land will be returned to us. So you have nothing to fear," he spoke so low and so calmly as his eyes deepened with sadness.

I would miss him. I only came to realize while we stood under the sun in the silence that he was always there for me, watching me and preventing some things from happening.

Just like when he made me retire to bed early during my training, telling me Ryven asked for it. Ryven never did that. The man standing in front of me did.

"Thank you," I whispered. "For everything. I hope you find all the happiness you desire," I finished and he smiled. But this time, it was genuine as it reached his eyes, letting it sparkle with mirth.

"You too Luna, take good care of yourself," with that, he turned around, moved into the car, and drove off.

My throat clogged up from emotions as I watched the car speed away until it was nothing but a blur. Then I turned around with my little luggage in my hand ready to face my enemies and take what rightfully belonged to me.

But stopped. Not because the pack house looked almost deserted and lacked life. But because Dianne was standing behind me with an ashen look on her face.