Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

About two exits shy of the airport, I remember a conversation I had with Dr. Ruth Donovon. After her big win with consulting for Royalty Airlines, they of course offered her a board advisory position. Dr. Donovon has done very well for herself, but she could’ve owned the entire block she lives on in Key Largo if she wanted to. What stopped her?

When I was debating switching my major from science to business and was scared to lose all the credit hours, she told me to reverse dissect my life. Don’t think about my goals and what it takes to get there. She told me to picture my day-to-day life and think about what I wanted to fill my moments with. Dr. Donovon told me to let happiness build my goals. She loved to teach…so that’s what she continued to do until retirement.

When I think about what makes me happy in my day-to-day, I think about Dex and his scuba diving company. I remember all the random fish facts I know—even before this summer and my obsessive deep dive into Cherry Barbs—all because of Dex’s enthusiasm.

I think about Finn’s photography business and how nervous he is to take risks. How he needs me to hold his hand through some of the riskier aspects of small business ownership. He’s such a manly man, it’s quite endearing to see him nervous about something. He has a gap that I can actually help fill, and it feeds my soul.

I never strived to be rich. Endless travel and luxury resorts are not what I’m picturing for my life. I want relationships…real friendships… I want to try new things, to learn new facts, and I want to be as immersed and passionate about my projects as Dex is about scuba diving and as Finn is about boudoir photography.

I no longer need Palmer to talk me out of a sound decision, and I certainly am not going to consult with Mason about anything, so I pull off shy of the exit and pull into a Walmart.

After purchasing a prepaid phone, two blueberry Red Bulls and enough Chex Mix, protein drinks, powdered donuts and waters to fuel a ten-hour drive back to Las Vegas, I make a difficult call to leave a complicated voicemail.

“Hello, this is Hunter.”

Shit. “Oh, hi!” I shoot up in the driver’s seat and brush the powdered sugar off my shirt like he can see me through the phone. “Mr. Mahan, it’s Avery Scott.”

“Avery. Hi. We’ve been trying to call you—”

“I’m so sorry. I lost my phone back at home.” I pause…home. It just flowed right out of me. Home is Las Vegas. Home is now Finn. “May I ask why you’re answering an unknown number?”

“Good timing, I guess,” he says through a half-laugh. “I’m actually getting ready to board my flight as well. I’m assuming Mason told you the meeting got bumped up? Did you get everything squared away with travel? Is there anything you need in the meeting room for tomorrow?”

I let out an exaggerated exhale. “Mr. Mahan—”

“Hunter, please. Oh shit…you’re not coming, are you?”

“No. I’m not.”

“Fuck. Sorry, that was unprofessional, but…fuck. We’re screwed, aren’t we? Even you think we should dissolve?”

“No.” I make sure I’m as emphatic as possible, then I clear my throat. “Hunter, do not dissolve Legacy Resorts or any of its subsidiaries, please. The company is in fantastic shape, and you guys have the potential to blow your competition out of the water.”

“Great. Fly to Cancun and tell that to the board, please.”

I laugh. “Listen, you have a board member, Wallace Frank—”

“Yeah, Mr. Frank is our most senior advisor.”

“He’s a snake in the garden, my friend. I did some digging, and he just invested over sixteen million dollars into Legacy’s biggest competitor. He’s not rallying the board members to do what’s best for the company…he’s bought and paid for, Hunter.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“No, I’m not. This is as close to insider trading as you can get, so you could go to the authorities, or you could invite Mr. Frank to remove himself from the board in exchange for your oversight of the matter. Then you need a few little tweaks to your branding strategy.”

“Such as?”

“Legacy Resorts should stay luxury. It just also needs to be kid friendly. Parents want to enjoy adult time, knowing their kids are safe. You should take a page from Royalty Airline’s book. Invest in high-end childcare with actual teachers with security cameras, rotating daily activities, and a little curriculum. Parents love when their kids have fun learning. And get the kids involved in the luxury aspect. Mommy and me spa days, Daddy and son mini-golf. Make sure all the restaurants have kid-friendly menus and have family versus adult dining times. You don’t need to exclude anyone from the resorts, just segment out the experiences. The possibilities are endless. Family luxury—that’s the only hook you need.”

“Avery, it’s a great idea. We could really use you. And I got your email about Arrow exclusively consulting for Legacy Resorts and bringing Mason on board, and we’re willing to play ball. Whatever the cost to get you to sign with us.”

I am not a saint. I am not perfect. I am a human being and an opportunity has presented itself. Sue me.

“Hunter, if I’m being honest, Mason is subpar at best. He gets his work done, but honestly a chimp might be more productive. The bottom line is he is replaceable and is absolutely not worth a seven-figure salary. I am the backbone of Arrow Consulting…which is no more. Mason and I are splitting the business and parting ways.”

“Oh, I spoke to him this morning and he didn’t tell me that.”

He doesn’t know…yet. “He was probably trying to be professional. But the bottom line is, I’m no longer available. I am so flattered and appreciative of the opportunity, but I think my heart is in small business, so I’m going to focus my attention there for a while. But I can give you some stellar recommendations, and you have my number. Call anytime and I’ll be happy to bounce around ideas with you.”

“How about another fifty thousand?”

“Hunter—”

“Sixty-k and a company car?”

“Hunter—”

“Seventy-k, a company car, and I turn a blind eye if you use the company black card every now and then. There is literally no limit on that card…you could buy Tahiti.”

I snort. “That’s tempting.” Not really, though.

I don’t want Tahiti. I want pajamas, I want thrift shopping girls’ days with a friend like Lennox. I want a cuddly man who will watch a movie with me…and then bend me over the side of the couch and spank me a little. I just want to laugh, breathe, learn, and relax. I don’t want to work sixty hours a week anymore. It’s not worth the prestige. I just want to enjoy my life and build a family.

“There’s nothing I can do to convince you?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

He grumbles. “All right, well, expect a few follow-up emails from me that will involve a little more begging.”

I laugh. “Fair enough.”

“Thanks for the call, Avery, and for the information about Frank. I’m going to go talk to our CEO and we’re going to take out the trash.”

“Good. I recently did the same. Feels good.”

“Take care. Get home safe.”

Home. “I will.”

I thought my anger and angst would fuel me through the drive, but I couldn’t swing it. I had to stop at a hotel and sleep a bit before I drove myself right off the road. Let the record show, Red Bulls are good for nothing except their tastiness.

When I pull into Dex’s driveway the next morning, I see the fish guy’s van parked on the side of the road. Great. I just want to go to sleep. I have a crying hangover. My eyes are puffy, my head hurts, my back aches from this long drive. I’m not an idiot. I don’t care how angry I am at Palmer. I just lost the longest, most significant relationship of my life.

Friendships don’t have to end. They aren’t exclusive. I was always taught to keep the old and make the new. The dynamics can change. You can go from talking daily to yearly. Sometimes friends can drift apart and then snap back together. They need each other in different ways at different stages of their lives. Love doesn’t have to fade due to distance. Friendships can endure…

Unless someone sabotages the relationship.

Palmer could’ve prevented this. She could’ve kept it in her pants. She could’ve talked to me. She could’ve found a way to love me, almost as much as she loved herself. But she didn’t. And it’s going to hurt for a very long time.

I’m going to heal…

But first, it’s going to hurt. And that’s okay.

Leaving my bag in the car and only bringing in my purse, I trudge through the front door. I have no energy to immediately unpack like I normally do. “Hey, Fish Guy,” I call out.

“Hey, Fish Lady,” he calls back with a chuckle at our little inside joke. All kidding aside, I don’t know his real name. It’s been over two months…I can’t ask now. It’s too awkward.

I see my phone sitting on the kitchen counter next to a sealed white box with a note on top:

You’re beautiful. You’re worthy.

–Finn

P.S. I promise I didn’t look.

Not right now. I want to look, but I’m a little too fragile at the moment. I can’t take any more hits right now in case I don’t like what my boudoir photographs look like. It’s not until I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and head to my phone do I see the travesty in the sink.

Cherry…

Out of water, dead in a small dish.

I squeal in shock as I drop my bottle of water.

“What the fuck?” I squelch. My reaction causes the fish guy to stop tinkering with the living room tank and head in my direction. He dodges the spilled water with his sock-covered feet and scoops up the water bottle from the ground. “When did she die?”

I know she’s a fish…

But damn.

My head starts to pound as I hold back a fresh wave of tears that hits me. Goddammit. Treachery and tragedy are just fucking exhausting.

“I found her belly up when I got here an hour ago. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left her in the sink. I didn’t know you’d be here. But I don’t flush fish, it’s not good for plumbing or the ecosystem.”

“What’re you going to do with her?” I’m not going to be a child and suggest we have a service and proper burial…but if he offers, I will go put on a black T-shirt right now.

He raises his brows at me. “Chum.”

“Oh, God.” I pout. “Please don’t tell me that. I really liked this little fish.”

“You’re a fan of Cherry Barbs, huh?”

“Yeah, she used to be super spazzy, but she slowed down. The stripe along her belly, I’m assuming it was cancer. I just hope she went peacefully.”

Fish Guy bags Cherry and the dish up and sets her by his black supply bag with the blue stripe, which matches his uniform. “It’s not cancer. Some Cherry Barbs have those markings. They can even get translucent.”

“She didn’t have a stripe when I first got here,” I say. “It developed as she slowed down. I’m pretty sure she was sick.”

“What?” He looks at me like I’m crazy as he runs his hands through his curly hair. “No, it died because these are social fish. I keep telling Dex he needs to either get a separate tank or move some of these fish to make room for multiple Cherry Barbs because they like to live in clusters of their own. I’ve gone through three since you’ve been here. They are dying because of shock and isolation.”

There’s a brief knock at the front door before it opens and in walks the shirtless Adonis of a man that still takes my breath away after almost an entire summer of seeing his naked body.

“Hey, Queen, what are you doing home? I thought you were still in Mexico.” He preemptively spins his baseball cap around, because even though he’s sweaty and was clearly just on a run, I know exactly what’s on his mind. I’m smashed against his sweaty, hard abs in an instant and his lips find mine briefly. “Can a man get a call, for goodness’ sake?” He points to my phone on the counter. “I left it here for that reason.”

“I literally just got home.” I press my finger against his lips and lean away to look back at Fish Guy. “I’m sorry, can you finish what you were saying?”

“About the Cherry Barbs? They are school fish, so they need to—”

I hold up my hand. “No, no, the part where you said they are dying? What do you mean by they?”

He squints at me. “Fish Lady, I’ve replaced that Cherry Barb three times since you’ve been here. You didn’t notice? The twitchy one you’re talking about died weeks ago.”

I cover my mouth and gasp into my hand as I wiggle out of Finn’s arms.

He looks shocked at my downpour of tears. “Whoa, baby. Over a fish?”

I can’t stop myself. I openly sob. “Yes.” I point at Fish Guy. “That was so fucking sneaky. You can’t just replace people’s fish without telling them… That’s a lie. I thought one thing…and…it was all a fucking lie. It’s going behind someone’s back and changing their perception of reality and making them doubt their sanity. I thought I knew her…we were so close. I saw her every day…how did I not know?”

There’s an awkward lull as the two men in the room watch me weep over my dead fish friend. Only one of them realizes I’m not completely insane, and there’s obviously so much more behind my reaction to this news.

“Um…I brought another Cherry Barb. Do you want me to put it in the tank or… I mean, is this legitimately upsetting you? Or is this a lady time of the month thing?”

Finn’s expression fills with annoyance, and he glances at Fish Guy from the corner of his eyes. “Can you give us some privacy? Maybe you forgot something in your van. Go check,” Finn says in a gruff command. “Now, please.”Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

Finn waits until the front door clicks closed before he wipes my tears away with his thumbs. “What’s going on?” he asks softly. “This can’t just be about a fish.”

I sniffle. “I almost gave you up for her. I almost picked her over you.” Finn’s so patient. He just nods as I babble nonsensically. “That’s why I wasn’t going to move. Palmer needed me, so I had to go back to L.A. to be there for her. I promised. I keep my promises.”

“I understand,” Finn says. “That’s your best friend. It’s okay, Avery. I told you, we’re going to make it work—”

“She’s been sleeping with Mason for four years, behind my back. Years, Finn. I am so fucking stupid and clueless. I had no idea. Maybe the signs were there and I didn’t want to see it. I’ve just been working and working, completely blind to the fact that everyone was living their life, except me.”

“The fuck?” he whispers. “Palmer and Mason? You’re not serious.”

I nod as I continue to ugly cry. “I’ve been missing out on so much, worried about everybody else, but now, I’m worried about me. I said no to the Legacy Resorts job. I’m done with Arrow Consulting. There’s nothing for me in L.A. I don’t have anything to go back to…and my fish is dead.”

He pulls me against his chest and I breathe in his salty, musky skin. I feel Finn’s lips on the top of my head. He lets me sob against him, my tears running down his chest and abs. Stroking my back, he shushes me sweetly and tells me it’s okay. When I’ve settled and we can hear ourselves over my open weeping, Finn says, “How about we don’t go back? Either of us. How about we try forward? Together.”

“Forward is good, but…” I kiss his pec and then step out of his embrace. Taking a deep, calming breath, I continue, “I have to do this differently this time. So, Finn, I think you’re way out of my league—”

“Avery,” he interrupts, rolling his eyes.

“Let me finish. But just because you might be the sexiest man on the planet, doesn’t mean you don’t have to earn me.”

He grins wide. “Okay. How do I earn you, Queen?”

“I want a date night more than once a year. In fact, I’d like an official date night once a week, and at least once a month we put on nice clothes and leave the house and flirt, in public.”

“Done.”

“Wait, I’m not finished.”

He smiles again. “Needy girl.”

“I want you to teach me how to cook.”

“You can finish your demands in my arms, baby.” He reaches back out and grabs me by the hips. “I will happily teach you how to cook, if we can have a dip buffet for dinner every now and then, too.”

“Fair enough.”

“What else?”

“I want to walk with you. And I do mean walk, not run. But I want a relationship where we do outside stuff sometimes. I don’t want to stay behind a computer screen for twelve hours a day. I want to be healthier all around.”

He squeezes my hips. “Okay, we can do outside stuff together.”

“And I don’t ever want another woman in bed with us. I don’t like it.”

He nods solemnly. “Me neither. Never again.”

“And the big one…”

Finn widens his beautiful baby blue eyes. “Go for it.”

I inhale and hold it for a moment before I exhale. “I’m not waiting four years to get married. We don’t have to rush, but I’m not going to ignore my needs for yours. We can always compromise, but if it is going to take you half a decade to decide whether you want to spend your life with me, I will walk away. I want a family. I want a home.”

“Okay,” Finn says. “I hear you loud and clear, Queen.”

“And I don’t ever want you to stop calling me Queen.”

“Fine with me.” He tries to kiss me again, but I lean back. He raises his brows, his patience running a little thin. I think he’s ready to start our happily ever after. “Anything else?”

“No, that’s everything from my end… But what about you? What do you need?”

Finn touches his smooth lips against mine. It’s not a kiss, just a touch. He rubs his nose against the tip of mine. “Just this. I need you to never stop telling me what you need. I want you to cry in front of me, so I know how you’re feeling and I can try and fix it. No more running out on me when you’re upset and making me worry.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.”

“All right, Finn Harvey. Well, now that that’s all settled, I think I’m ready to fall in love with you.”