Always Been You

~Lola~

I was standing and staring out the window of my bedroom. I’m considering the future. I’m thinking of the ordeals I’ve endured to get to this point. What a life I’d have to start tomorrow! I was cursing my own carelessness. I was well aware that this would be a hole I would have to dig deep into. I was aware that Dante was a no-go area, but I went anyway. For the past three months, I have pretended to be okay. Having to do this all alone hurts. It’s so painful that I’m unable to speak to a single soul about it. Why did this happen to me? As I sighed and attempted to get myself together, I began folding my clothes. I am confident that I have everything under control. I know I’ve done a lot for my future and the future of my children. I rub my tummy. I’ve been concealing my pregnancy since the day I discovered it. I am unable to inform Dante. I’ve already been behaving strangely. To God’s credit, he hasn’t observed anything. He is a friend of mine, but he is also in love with one of my best friends. Even worse, the doctor claims that it is not one, but three. I have no idea what I’m going to do with three infants. So far, I’ve accomplished so much.

Tears streamed from my eyes down my cheeks.

I collapsed to the floor, clutching my knees as I sobbed. Only God knows how many times I’ve cried in silence about my circumstances. It troubled me that I would be bringing children into this world, especially because the father is my best friend. It also hurt knowing that if I stayed, Candice and I would never be able to communicate effectively again. I’m well aware that she has no interest in Dante, but I had an affair with him. I had betrayed her trust. I am aware that he is my husband, but this should not have happened. I’ve had enough of pretending. It’s emotionally draining to be here in this house and in this city all the time. I have devised an excellent plan, which I want to carry out. My only concern is that his mom witnessed me vomit twice. I’m hoping she’s not suspicious of me. She has been interrogating me about the night I passed out, and I have been lying to her. Although she is not my mother, she has always treated me as if I were. I am more in tune with her than I am with my own mother. When I was having a problem, I would always go to her for help. And she was the first to learn of my crush on her son. To be honest, Dante and I are constantly conversing with her. However, I am certain she will never reveal to Dante that I had a crush on him. However, I am unable to inform her that I am pregnant with Dante’s children. She will never allow me to depart. She would want to keep it a secret and invite me to stay with her in order to protect me from Dante. I am aware that she will go to great lengths for me, but I do not wish to place her in a position where she has to choose between me and her son. With her being aware of what is occurring, I doubt she will keep it to herself. She will never approve of me divorcing Dante. I examined the ultrasound image. I am not yet aware of their gender. However, I have already fallen in love with them. I sob just looking at the image, knowing that I am alone in this. It’s painful, but I need to be strong for my children. That is why I am departing. I received a text message.

Monroe, Mrs.

The car has been sold. I have made the necessary transfers to your account.

I used to smile whenever I received such texts or emails, but now that the day has arrived, I am uneasy. I’m emotionally shattered. I hate lying to Dante. I also dislike the fact that I feel used. In the end, I decided to go through with it. This is something I am capable of. I am capable of surviving this. I have to make it through this. I checked the time.

Shit!

I’m late. Extremely late. Why did it take me so long to think of them? So I sought a ride. I cursed myself for being too analytical. It’s nearly 8:00 a. m., and I’m still not at work. I observed Dante departing early today. I directed him to a coffee shop when the transportation arrived. I grabbed my coffee. When I got to the office, I was feeling dreadfully grumpy. As I walk up to the office, I greet everyone by waving my hand and saying good morning. I arrived at my office. I have been working so hard for the past few months, even working for the months ahead. I’m only in the workplace to demonstrate that I’m working. I work largely from home, attempting to divert my attention away from the circumstances I’ve found myself in. I opened my laptop and examined the photograph. The yard and the swimming pool made me confident that the location would be a safe haven for me. I’ve accomplished a great deal in three months. I take a glance around the office that has been my home for almost six years. I breathe in and breathe out. I went out to get some noodles to share with Dante for lunch. I reached for his door and knocked. He was by himself. He grinned when he saw me.

“I was about to call you and invite you to lunch.” I gave him a smile.

“Well, it just so happened that I happened to have bought lunch.” He grinned and kissed the bridge of my nose.

“You’re a star,” he remarked.

We sat down on the couch and began eating. He deemed me suspicious eyes. If this is to work, I must force him to refrain from asking questions, as I have been doing for the last three months.

“How is Candice doing?”

“You do realize that Candice will always be Candice.”

Both of us laughed. I removed the divorce papers from my bag and presented them to him.

“Can you tell me what this is?” He inquired, and I refrained from looking at him.

“The divorce papers I have already signed. I only require your signature to become a divorcee.” He laughed, but I could see a slight scowl on his face. To be honest, I have no idea what the problem is, but this has to be done. He grinned.

“Are you certain you don’t need this enticing husband?”

I froze for a brief moment. I looked him directly in the eyes, something I had avoided doing for months. And each time I steal a glance, I see something new. I see passion and befuddlement staring directly into his silver eyes. I’m constantly getting lost in them. However, we must sign the divorce papers.

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“Well, my husband needs to marry his legitimate wife.” He smiled and proceeded to sign the papers.

“Did you bring me noodles in order to convince me to sign the divorce papers, ex-wife?”

“With only a bowl of noodles, I can get away with anything.” Candice walked into the room as we were laughing.

“What are you celebrating, guys?”

“We’ve just finalized our divorce.”

I locked my gaze on Candice. I knew she would be unhappy, as she would now be forced to marry Dante. I’m not sure why she’s with Dante if she can’t marry him. Why does she claim to love him when she is incapable of committing to their relationship? Exactly what is it that Candice desires from Dante? Is there a secret motive at work? It is irrelevant to me. I smiled as I brushed everything aside in the back of my mind.

“At this point, you may wed your prince charming.”

I walked away with the divorce papers.